As an advisor, your role is to help clients prepare to exit their business, yet many people resist thinking about the future because it involves so many unknowns, decisions, and choices. And emotions typically complicate matters further, sometimes derailing the process altogether. Here are some questions that can help you establish rapport with your clients, learn more about their concerns, and move the conversation forward. How are you feeling about your work/profession/business these days? Which aspects of work are you still enjoying, and which are you ready to leave behind? Do you envision retiring from work at some point, or are you contemplating an encore career? What part of planning for your future feels most challenging? How do you imagine your life in retirement will be different from how it is now? What process are you using to figure out what you’ll do next after you retire? What would you like to see happen with your business long term? What options have you considered for the transfer of your business? What steps have you taken to make your business more attractive to a potential buyer? What are your concerns about transitioning your firm to new ownership? What would be your ideal scenario for transitioning out of your company? What topic(s) have we touched on today that we should put on our agenda to revisit? So, what happens after you pose a few of these questions and your clients open up about emotional matters? Remember, the most helpful thing you can do is to listen attentively. You’ve created a valuable opportunity for them to talk about things they may not share with other advisors. Here are some tips for managing the conversation when clients raise emotionally loaded topics: Don’t try to “fix things” by immediately offering suggestions. Doing so sends the message that you’re uncomfortable hearing their concern. You can offer suggestions but do so later. Don’t say anything that conveys the message that their feeling or concern is unwarranted. “There’s really no need to feel that way” or “I’m sure it will be just fine” may sound reassuring to you but could be experienced as dismissive by your client. Don’t immediately offer a logical counterpoint to your client’s emotion. Remember, feelings don’t have to make sense; they’re “as is”. Put another way, if feelings made sense, they would be thoughts. People report concerns and characterize their feelings differently from one another, so it’s in your best interest to seek amplification and clarification by inquiring as follows . . . “I want to make sure that I understand exactly what you mean by ___. Can you tell me more?” “People sometimes mean slightly different things when they talk about ___. What does ___ mean for you?” “Before I suggest anything, I’d like to learn more about it from your perspective.” It’s possible that during early conversations your client may hint at mixed feelings about exiting their business. That’s perfectly normal, but you need to bring it out into the open. You want to foster an atmosphere such that your client keeps you apprised about where they’re at. If they keep their ambivalence to themselves, it has greater potential to blindside you and complicate the sale. You can say: “In my experience, it’s normal to have some mixed emotions about selling. Those thoughts may not always be top of mind, but when they do pop up let’s be sure to talk about them. Believe it or not, they can help inform our process and alert us to aspects of the sale that are important to you.” You may also find that your client is overly risk averse. If so, consider saying the following: “Our work together won’t be comprehensive if we only plan for what could go wrong. That’s just half the equation. It’s fine to be conservative and err on the side of caution, but to be truly realistic we should also consider a range of possibilities both good and bad.” Author’s Note: The concepts in this article are derived from Robert Leahy’s book, Overcoming Resistance in Cognitive Therapy. New York: Guilford
